hugs from God

this may seem like an odd title, but there are many times i have felt like God is hugging me. they come in small waves or doses. you can feel them if you try. for me, they are there when i know WITHOUT A DOUBT that His hand was in something, and he chose to show it to me. let me give you a better example (and please bear with the backstory!)

when my oldest was about to start kindergarten, he was enrolled in a local christian school. three weeks before school started i found out they were not actually going to put him in kindergarten, but rather something called Jr. Kindergarten (or kindergarten purgatory - if you were the mom of the child hearing this). i was completely taken aback. he was MORE than ready. he was SO SMART. he had already completed pre-k, and it was TIME for kindergarten. after several phone calls and "mom the advocate" conversations (where there were few - if any - answers/reasons), i settled in and decided to trust God (wasn't that nice of me?).

in my oh-so-humble opinion, that year spent in kindergarten purgatory was the.best. year he will ever have in school. why? because his teacher was touched by God. i'm serious. a true child whisperer. i absolutely cannot say enough good things about her. not only was she the most amazing teacher, but she had a degree in child psychology and was also a child counselor. it showed. she was so good for not only my child, but me that i made sure my next child got to experience purgatory too! i seriously have the utmost love and respect for her and what she did for my little family of three who was reeling from divorce and loss and everything nasty that comes with that!

so back to hugs... tuesday, i'm back at target (no, that is not a coincidence) and i happen to bump into this exact teacher! i have not seen her in at least two years, so we begin small talking and i tell her our family's news. then she says, "my new job is counseling newly adopted children through trauma! as long as you live in the county its free!" i almost started bawling right there in target. you guys, i had been thinking a lot after our class last thursday about the counseling these kids are gonna need, and how dangerous child counseling can be if the right person isn't doing it. i even thought about trying to look up this particular person and see if she was taking new clients, since she is someone who not only knows our story, but whom i trust completely to do what is best for the child. i know she prays for these kids.

i walked away from her, basking in the hug. as i said last week, God's got this. and he is showing me little by little that His plan is FAR better than mine could EVER be.

What's New?

Today I was caught a bit off guard by the harmless, "what's new?".  I was minding my own business at Target - thrilled to be there by myself - when I bumped into one of my favorite employees from years ago.  The first thing she asked was, "what's new?".  I immediately give the token, "not a lot". Then I realized, I do have news!

Our family is in the process of adopting! We are SO excited. At this point, we have no idea what or who God has in store for us, and, in my opinion, this adds to the excitement! Here's what we do know: we are interested in adopting a sibling group, and are not opposed to older children. Beyond that it's all a guess. Matt and I have 9 weeks of classes (we are currently taking them right now) and then have 2 more classes we have to take in April. After that we will be licensed. And once we are licensed, the excitement begins!

There is much about this journey that awes me. Just how we got to this point is a testament of God's hand and direction(and another blog post!). Since August (when we officially submitted the application) we have begun mentally preparing for the growth of our family. We spent the holidays knowing this was very likely the "last year" we would be taking part in our favorite traditions as "just the four of us". It's a lot like knowing you're having a baby; but with a baby, you know you're getting a baby. And usually you know if that baby is going to be a boy or a girl (and if you don't know, it is because you didn't want to!), and you know if you are having more than one. In our case, our baby will be more than one baby, but we don't know how many more. We don't know if we'll have boys, girls, or what combination of them. We don't know how old they will be. We don't know who will be sleeping where, who will be sharing rooms, what they like to do. We don't know what we will drive. We have tons of unanswered questions. But, what we DO know trumps all that we don't. God's got this. All of it. Every question, concern, issue. He knows what our laughs are going to sound like, once we are all settled in together. He knows how long the long nights will go on. He knows who is sharing rooms and what we're going to drive! And to me, this is one of the greatest blessings I have ever known. God has invited me to sit back and watch Him work. 

I have spent many nights praying for these children who will soon be mine. I have no idea what they have gone through. No idea what they have feared, or loved, or will miss most. But God does. I have no idea what we will go through. But no matter what, if I know God has designed this (and trust me, He has!), then I know it is not mine to worry about. So, I pray. For us as parents. For our new children. For the two God has already given us. For the family we will become. And for God to be ever-present in this home. Please pray for us and with us.